Letter
to Robinson K. Russo concluded, finally,
I hope.
Last
week I shared a little bit about appropriate relationships. They are tough for
a priest. Not many people can see the man and the priest at the same time.
Avoid people who make a great fuss over you and not over the priesthood. It is
very difficult to take one’s ordination as seriously as it should be taken,
without taking one’s self too seriously. We priests are taken from among men as
the letter to the Hebrews says. We are just men, yet the work we do, our very
presence makes the demons tremble. You’ll find this out if you ever have
anything to do with exorcisms. The devil really doesn’t like priests. Neither
does the modern world. Just coincidence? Remember, Jesus promised we would be
hated. If everybody likes you, you’re probably not doing your job, provided
they dislike you for the challenge that you present, and not simply because you
are a jerk.
I
say this, from experience. Often enough I have been a jerk. We are very
unworthy people called to a super human, no, a supernatural life. Among parishioners
you will find the rare person who can love the man and his faults while at the
same time honoring the grace of his ordination. I say all this because as a
parish priest you are going to need real friends, not just groupies. The
groupies, when they realize that you are just a man tend to drop you like a bad
habit.
There
are people however who you don’t have to impress. They are impressed enough by
the holiness of your calling. I cannot count the times people have said to me,
“Father just come over and relax. Our home is yours.” Sounds good, but do they mean I can come over
and get a beer from the fridge and sit in in front of the TV in my boxer
shorts? It most certainly does not. Just try it and they will be on the phone
to the chancery office and the Department of Children and Family Services. There
are however some people who mean it. I am thinking of a family in the parish
whose house I can visit in my sweat suit on the way home from the gym. (Still
boxers would be imprudent.) They respect me and yet are happy to serve me lunch
in the kitchen. There is another family to whom I have become very close, and
when I realized that I would know these folks better than most, I said that I
would only visit if I didn’t have to eat. They said fine and have always stuck
to the agreement, though I wish they weren’t such good cooks. It is amazing how
people like to force food on you. “But Father, you have to have some.” To which
I say, “No, I don’t,” and if they have so much of their self-image wrapped up
in whether I like their food, this is probably going to be a toxic
relationship. I like food. And there are a lot of really good cooks out there.
When
I was in seminary I jogged three miles a day and was the dead lift champion of
the college. I have gained 75 pounds since my ordination. I am a cautionary
tale. Be honest with people right from the beginning. “If you force me to eat when I don’t want to,
I don’t think I can keep coming over.” Honesty is the best policy at the
beginning and all the way through any relationship. Don’t worry that you will
hurt their feelings. It is not your job to make them feel good. It is your job
to be a vehicle for the Lord in their lives, and maybe the kindest thing one
can do is help manipulative people realize they are being manipulative when
they think they are being kind.
Speaking
of exercise, it is extremely important, and I don’t mean sports. We old men
think we are into sports if we watch the game and eat a lot of nachos. This is
not exercise. Get a regular exercise program and stick to it. Prayer and
exercise are high priorities in the life of the priest. You’ve got to be
healthy. You don’t have a wife to nag you. You must nag yourself.
Get
a good doctor even at your age, one who knows something about nutrition. I have
a great one. One of the first things he did was check me for vitamin
deficiencies. Amazing! A doctor more concerned about health than illness! Regular
prayer, regular exercise, regular social life with real friends and family,
start these habits the day of your ordination, well maybe the day after, or
still better way before.
Why?
Back to my overriding complaint. The parish priesthood and the diocesan
priesthood are not the same thing anymore. And this brings up money. A diocesan
priest does not take a vow of poverty. He is responsible for his own clothing,
vehicle, entertainment, vacations and out of pocket medical cost. We do have good
insurance in this diocese. I pay taxes, lots of taxes. Technically I am
self-employed as far as social security goes and I pay quarterly. It’s when we
turn seventy that things get interesting. Just at the time when health is
declining and you need people who you trust and with whom you have a history,
they will throw a swell party, give a nice gift, usually monetary, a firm
handclasp and then they will show you the door.
In
times past, as you know, the pastor was usually carried out of the rectory feet
first when he died. The parish was his home, the parishioners his family and
children. For religious orders, who do take a vow of poverty, there family is
their order, and though they have no money of their own, at least in theory,
they are taken care of by the brothers or sisters of their order. We diocesan
priests were exempt from the social security tax. In the days of Cardinal
Bernardin, we were strongly encouraged to waive that exemption, so that we
could receive social security and Medicare. The diocese didn’t think it would
be able to support all those sick old priests, what with medical costs
spiraling. We are responsible as diocesan priests for our own retirement. The
diocese provides us with a pension of (I think) $1,200 a month, $600 if we live
in a religious facility or rectory. That and social security are what we have
to live on in old age if we have not planned well.
Save
money. Get a good stock portfolio. Find a good accountant and a good financial
advisor. And do not forget your responsibility of charity. Set aside an
appropriate amount on a regular basis to give to charity. Make some of that
charity personal. By this I mean give to people you know who are down on their
luck or in need of a little help. How can you ask your parishioners for money,
which you will do a lot, if you are not generous yourself? All this talk of
money may sound crass, but it is realistic. The diocesan priesthood is very
realistic. We build buildings, manage maintenance, deal with contractors,
plumbers, zoning boards and lots of lawyers. When you retire, if in your days
retirement is possible, those may be the best years of your priesthood. Time
for prayer, time for study and you don’t have to worry about the endless
meetings, the fund raising, the maintenance etc. etc. If you have maintained
your independence and your health, and above all your faith, you can still be
truly useful to the Lord and the Church.
This
may sound daunting. I don’t mean it to be. I think you young guys are so much
better than we old guys were at your age. There aren’t many perks to the
business of religion any more, but still you hear something calling in your
soul. Remember, it isn’t about the fund-raisers and the building campaigns and
all the other things that really are important and will inevitably be part of
your service to the Lord, but it easy to forget that it is primarily about
Jesus, our Lord. Some people will see you as a plaster saint. Others will see
you as the very devil. All the weirdness of a very strange way of life is worth
it. You get to hold God in your hands. You get to give God to the world. I have
loved being a priest in these difficult times and cannot conceive of having
lived another life. That other life that I turned my back on, might have been
easier, but this one, the call to the altar, has been amazing.
You
and your schoolmates are in my prayers.
The
Rev. Know-it-all
PS
I really am done. Next week something more pleasant and not quite so personal.
And remember to take what I say with a grain of salt. This has been my
experience and it may not be everyone else’s.
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